When i was a kid, all i ever wanted to be was happy. I was happy when i saw my bestfriend wait with an empty seat for me, when my teacher asked me to distribute the biscuits, when i got a ten on ten in dictation or when i got those cute erasers from the stationer.
I thought that being happy was the ultimate goal and that everything, our friendships, chocolates, that pink dress and that one golden slipper, was a step towards being happy.
Such bullshit right.
As i transition into an adult, nothing seems enough to make me happy.
Truly, jumping, screaming, mind blowingly happy.
When i realised that it was such a crappy thing to have happiness as the ultimate goal, i was shattered, just a lil.
What should i do? What should i believe in now? What do i work towards?
Erik Erikson must be smiling from his grave as he watches me deal with Identity Crisis. Not funny you old man.
Then suddenly on a night, right before my exam, i realised, wait a minute, what is the purpose of me going through this torture, cramming up what all and what not, causing myself to have these tension headaches, why, what’s the point?
Am i not just supposed to be happy when doing this, supposed to be enjoying the learning process?
No. We are and have never been supposed to be or do something. We just are.
Similarly, we are not supposed to be happy all the damn time, that would be crazy.
Surviving is the goal.
Happiness is just a by product of circumstances and also of you dragging yourself out of bed or dancing it out or just taking a good nap.
I’ve decided and hereby declare that all i want to do is survive and the bits of happiness and sadness that come along the way, are all welcome, because life was never just black and white, it’s always been a rainbow, ask my mom and my childhood love for unicorns.
I solemnly pledge to accept all emotions just as they are, not try to gush happiness but just be and accept everything that comes along.
( that doesn’t mean that you just sit on a couch, accept your fate, and don’t move, but rather instead of wasting your time contemplating why me? you accept it and move, and do. )